Oh the Pokémanity!
by The Carnivorous Muffin
Summary: In an odd turn of events, Lily unwittingly anthropomorphizes her cuddly Pokémon friends Pikachu and Clefairy in the real world. Ash, Lily, and company then must come to grips with their newly human companions while their newly human companions try to come to grips with themselves. Side fic of "Wearing the Faces of Men"


**Author's Note: Note that this is a side fic to "Wearing the Faces of Men" and if you haven't read a good chunk of that you'll be hopelessly confused. Also, this is obviously NOT CANON**

* * *

As it turned out the adventure of the day, the one that would finally distract them all from Ash's overblown ego that continued to swell as he trounced children years younger than himself, wasn't going to appear in the form of a benign yet slightly alarming stranger but instead in the usual way that Lily's life used to spiral out of control.

By somehow being Lily's fault except not really.

"I'm so sorry!" Lily clutched at her hair, eyes wide, face alternating between pale horror and flushing humiliation as she took in the sight of her latest and greatest disaster.

Namely, anthropomorphizing her adorable animal friends somehow while she'd been taking a nap. Her now naked, adult, adorable animal friends who seemed caught between wondering if nakedness was something they should be ashamed of, staring down at themselves in each other in horrified wonder and curiosity, looking just as embarrassed and confused as Lily herself, and staring in horrified fascination at each other's genitals with the very clear idea that neither had any idea what any of those bouncing dangly bits were about.

This, of course, was in front of not only Wizard Lenin (who had seen this kind of nonsense and handled it before with the ease and grace of someone who had had years to master the art), but also new ten-year-old friends Misty (who had spent the first minute screaming about perverts, then flushing, and was now horribly fascinated by the thought that this might just be Pikachu and Clefairy) and Ash (who was now completely distracted from his winning streak), older new somewhat creepy friend Brock (who seemed oddly at ease with the situation or else very healthily distracted by Clefairy's rocking new body), and the random seven-year-old that Ash had been battling up until this point (who, looking at Celfairy's pale and perfect breasts, seemed to be skyrocketing into puberty).

And Pikachu, blonde and taller than he had any right to be, as well as Clefairy with her strange pale pink hair and wide blue eyes, both turned to stare at Lily.

Lily then, tearing at her hair further, still flushing madly, realized her mistake and corrected herself, "I mean Stack of Bricks is so sorry! He just can't contain his brickish ways."

"Seriously, Lily?!" Pikachu cried out, stepping towards her, sparks emanating from his cheekbones just beneath his eyes, "I wake up with… with hands and feet and whatever this thing is between my legs and am suddenly human and your first thought is to blame your pile of bricks?!"

Lily, remembering at this point that Stack of Bricks wasn't out of his pokéball, released him with a flash of light and pointed to his stoic and apologetic form as she cried out, "He's really quite sorry and he has no idea how or why this has happened, but he will fix it! And if he can't then he points out that opposable thumbs are very useful and human slavery at least isn't a thing in this world!"

Because honestly, with Pikachu descending like a vengeful Thor down upon her, Lily had no idea how she'd done it, why, or how she was even going to fix it. Normally there was some sort of sign that something like this was about to happen but nope, Lily had just woken up from her nap, happy as a clam to have missed the battle and there were Pikachu and Clefairy looking pale, pretty, and so very human right beside her.

"Lily, tell me you didn't," Wizard Lenin said, his eyes wide and pale, his face slack with recognition and a dull familiar horror as the only one who appeared to really comprehend what was happening right now.

"And hey, Pikachu, at least your human fetish isn't nearly as weird and creepy now," Lily said, laughing awkwardly, although she couldn't help but think that Pikachu was just a tad older than Misty was, so it still was kind of creepy if you thought about it. But less creepy than a giant electric mouse being infatuated with a little girl.

Although it really was hard to gauge the age of anthropomorphized Clefairy and Pikachu, they both had a strange ageless and inhuman look still about them. Not in anything obvious like pointed ears (although both of their hair colors did edge on being bizarre) but something their features, in the way they held themselves, screamed something far beyond human comprehension.

Pikachu stopped, cheeks sparking even more violently and face flushing, his hands twitched at his sides as if he had no real idea what to do with them anymore and he very desperately did not look in Misty's direction.

Clefairy, carefully and with a cheerful rather Luna-esque smile, patted Pikachu on his arm, "There, there, brother, there was no real avoiding it."

Both Pikachu and Lily turned to Clefairy and both asked her at the same time, "What?"

"Oh, you know, the prophecy," she said, blinking owlishly and scuffing a bare foot against the grass, "It was prophesized among the Clefairy and Clefable eons ago, so it was inevitable, really, I'm just surprised it happened so quickly."

Wizard Lenin, by the look on his face, was fully willing to blame Lily for prophecies in other dimensions that she'd had no idea even existed before all of this. Lily was now doing her best to pretend that she was somewhere else or else that it was really Stack of Brick's fault and certainly not Lily's.

"You look cold, ma'am," and suddenly Brock was sidling up to Clefairy with a charming and disarming smile, draping his green vest over her form, "Here, take my vest."

If his hands lingered perhaps a tad too long on her bare arms and shoulders, curling themselves in her soft and petal-like hair, well Lily wasn't about to point it out.

Clefairy blinked, looked down at the vest in confusion, pulling at the fabric with a cocked head, "Oh, is that what these things are for?"

She then grinned up at Brock, shrugging out of the vest then handing it back towards him, fingernails glittering like opals in the sunlight, and said, "Thank you, but the weather's far too mild for me to need something like this. Besides, its yours, and humans seem to be far more fragile than the rest of us."

Brock seemed at an utter loss, Wizard Lenin slapped a hand against his forehead, and somewhere one could hear the deathly chirping of crickets.

"That, um, wasn't really why I gave it to you," Brock finally lamely admitted, which only seemed to confuse Clefairy further, pale brow furrowing and blue eyes narrowing as she looked him over, "Then why did you say it?"

Lily however decided enough was enough and with a sharp command towards the loyal and silent Stack of Bricks Lily dressed the pair, "Stack of Bricks, use instant tailor!"

Pikachu, given his rather Lenin-like attitude, she gave to him Wizard Lenin's usual combination of a dark jacket, trousers, a red pioneer scarf, and a dark hat that covered most of his blonde hair. To Clefairy she gave an odd combination of fairy princess outfit and jedi robes that flowed into different pinks and whites so that she seemed more like a walking flower or patch of moonlight than ever before.

Both looked down at themselves and their new attire, however before Lily could sigh in relief Pikachu darted over (faster than any human being should be able to travel, almost too fast to track with the human eye) towards Stack of Bricks, and with baleful rage and lightning, reduced Stack of Bricks into charred rubble.

Then, dusting off his human hands with a smirk, he allowed the pile of dirt to fall at Lily's feet.

Lily stared down in dismay at what had once been Stack of Bricks, then, pointing at Pikachu who was now disposing of the shoes Lily had provided for him with a confused and somewhat annoyed look on his face, Lily accused, "Murderer!"

Pikachu spared her an unamused glance as he tested out his new bare feet on the grass, curling his toes this way and that as he looked down at them in consideration, "Lily, if you were going to make me this huge and ridiculous looking, then I at least deserve to be able to finally destroy your stupid rock."

Then he sighed, cracked his neck, mildly complaining about his newfound situation, "This is exhausting, also I'm kind of hungry, and I'm so high up and with all these extra-long fingers and toes, and it's so hard to balance without a tail… I really don't understand how humans do it all the time."

"There are a lot of Pokémon that don't have tails," Clefairy pointed out as she walked, though it was really more of her standard bounding and floating, towards Pikachu.

"Yes, but I was never one of them," Pikachu pointed out but not nearly as annoyed as he should have been by his new predicament. If it was Wizard Lenin, he would have been breathing fire at this point demanding to get back in his original body, but Pikachu aside from those first few minutes now looked as if he was only mildly inconvenienced.

Which Lily supposed was all well and good because as she was standing there internally panicking she really did have no idea how to fix this one. Or, if she could, then if she should. Because at their heart Clefairy and Pikachu were clearly sentient beings, there was no denying it now with the horrifyingly easy transition to human form and human language, and if they looked human then they at least would be recognized as human. Except they hadn't really been human to start with and surely they would be upset by that and…

Still, all she could think to say was, "I can't believe you just casually murdered Stack of Bricks."

* * *

After about an hour more of panicking, existential crises, assurances and admissions that Pikachu hadn't just killed a pokémon while Lily artfully avoided questions on all the weird shenanigans happening if Stack of Bricks had never been real in the first place, and Ash and the gang just not quite comprehending, they'd decided that with nothing better to do they'd pick up where they left off. Namely, Ash challenging some guy named A.J. in his personal gym to the pokémon battle to end all pokémon battles while the rest of them watched.

Well, except Ash lacked his usual overconfidence and zest as not only his friends watched his pitiful performance but humanized Pikachu and Clefairy did as well with their opponent A.J. none the wiser to this strange state of affairs.

And suddenly, with their pokémon friends wearing human faces, watching stoically as the giant sand mouse tore through Ash's giant flying pigeon, the moral dilemma that Wizard Lenin had been grappling with for weeks was more than obvious and a tad awkward.

"So, pokémon battling, do you… approve?" Lily couldn't help but ask, looking up at Pikachu who was watching the fight with crossed arms and a cocked head.

"It's the way it's always been," Pikachu said as if it simply couldn't be helped, such was the nature of this world, "If you don't want to participate the best thing for it is not to be caught in the first place."

"I don't know," Lily remarked drily, "You seem to do what you want."

After all, he'd never managed to end up confined to a pokéball and whenever Pikachu didn't want to put in the effort or fight he usually managed to squirm out of it without Ash putting up too much of a protest. Granted, Ash hadn't really had a choice this time (except that he had glanced over hopefully at Pikachu, then awkwardly as he remembered that Pikachu was hardly a giant mouse anymore, and then in disappointment as Pikachu had given a clear and sharp, "No.")

"I'm not like everyone else," Pikachu said, something old and powerful sparking in his dark eyes as he looked down at her, his smile delighted in his own abilities, "Besides, humans aren't so bad."

That he was watching humans order his bretheren to beat each other half to death didn't seem to register to him.

"And the destinies of mankind and pokémon have always been intertwined," Clefairy added with all her sage and cheerful wisdom, "Those who seek to deny it, or distort it in favor of one or the other, often find themselves in truly unfortunate circumstances."

"Is that also a prophecy?" Wizard Lenin asked drily, speaking for the first time in ages (while Misty and Brock still seemed too disturbed to say anything at all as they desperately focused on Ash's losing battle.)

"No, just common sense," Clefairy said cheerfully, like she really had been out to see the world before all of this and hadn't spent all of her existence prancing around in a cave.

"Speaking of common sense," Pikachu cut in as he inspected his own body once again, brow furrowed and frowning in frustration, "I have to ask, what is half of this stuff for? The hands are useful, I'll give that, and so are the feet I suppose, but there's this weird third thing between the legs and Clefairy's chest mounds that just seem really unnecessary…"

And Lily realized that apparently sex ed was a must for her new friends even if she really, really, really did not want to give it. Also, why was she just now realizing that for all that Clefairy and Pikachu had stumbled around they hadn't really been mammals. Or, rather, she hadn't seen any signs of sexual organs.

Which left the reproduction of pokémon to be a giant mystery, but Lily decided that this time she just wasn't even going to ask. There did not need to be fuel for this fire.

"Well, Clefairy, I could certainly show you what they're for," except apparently Brock was down for doing the down and dirty version of the course, at least, with the female half of the group.

Brock was getting into the groove of the situation remarkably well.

Misty cried out and moved away from him while Wizard Lenin balked, "Don't you have any shame?!"

"Oh, really?" Clefairy said with that cheerful and terribly naive grin, "That'd actually be very helpful."

Brock beamed, looking rather confident and cocky as he was on the prowl, unconcerned that it was basically with an alien cultist who was only wearing a human suit at the moment, "You could say I'm something of an expert on the subject."

"You could say that you're something of a creep!" Misty cut in, crossing her arms, flushing, and sticking her nose in the air while Wizard Lenin just continued to stare at Brock in utter disbelief.

"Do I not get a crash course?" Pikachu asked with a raised hand and a look of annoyance on his face, and here Brock at least did hesitate slightly.

"Uh, sorry Pikachu, I'm really only an expert for one half of the equation. You're going to have to ask someone else." Brock then took that moment to step closer to Clefairy, take her pale hands in his and squeeze them, "And you really do have the most beautiful eyes."

Without prompting Lily flung Brock back into the wooden fence line with a glitch, leaving Clefairy blinking at the empty air where he'd so recently been standing while Misty and Wizard Lenin gave great sighs of relief.

To Pikachu and Clefairy Lily could only say, "It had to be done, for the good of humanity… or, well, pokémanity."

"Oh, look at that, Ash just lost the match," Lily said distracting them all as he pointed at Ash, now weeping with his loss in disbelief as A.J. snubbed him and began to walk into his tent.

"It's not fair!" Ash cried, and then his eyes landed on Pikachu in desperation, "Come on, Pikachu, it has to still count even when you look like… Well…"

"No," Pikachu said shortly, stepping backwards, eyes wide with alarm as he surveyed the damage the giant sand mouse had left behind.

"Pikachu!"

"No way."

Ash stepped forward, hands reaching out for him, "Come on…"

Pikachu's cheeks sparked in warning, electricity reflecting in his dark eyes. A warning Ash didn't heed as walked forward and took hold of Pikachu's hand, intent to drag him into the arena no matter what A.J. thought, and it was lucky that A.J. was already not looking as Ash was electrocuted once again into oblivion by Pikachu.

And coldly, feet bare on the dirt, Pikachu stood over the smoking and charred Ash with the eyes of a furious deity who was not to be trifled with, "I said no."

Then, as if nothing had occurred, Pikachu cheerfully smiled and put a consoling hand on Ash's smoking shoulder, "I'm sure you'll win next time, Ash."

* * *

"So, this was prophesized, huh?" Lily asked, as was typical their adventure hadn't ended with Ash's sound defeat but had instead continued as they'd been dragged into A.J.'s tent and were now watching his ridiculous training methods.

Lily, Pikachu, and Clefairy overlooked the scene from the top of the diving platform, watching as Sandshrew jumped in and out of the water over and over and over again for the praise of a human child set on winning himself honor and glory.

But it seemed that conversation had hit something of a wall, neither Pikachu nor Clefairy seemed to see it the way she herself did. Pikachu because for whatever reason he had the power to avoid becoming one of these unfortunate creatures himself and Clefairy because it was an anathema to her.

This was simply their world.

And so, all that was left was the mysterious prophecy.

"Oh yes," Clefairy said with a small nod that was so painfully reminiscent of Death, "Ages and ages ago now."

"Should I ask from who?"

"The moonstone sings," Clefairy said, and Lily did not need to see her strange pale hair to know that Clefairy wasn't really human at all, "And we have spent millennia listening. It spoke of you even when it was still in the heavens and hurtling towards Earth. The universe itself sings your song."

Lily tried not to think of that, of what that could possibly mean, and instead asked, "And do you get out of it?"

Clefairy didn't answer, which likely meant no, that Clefairy and Pikachu remained as they were now. Human only in the barest most physical sense, strangers in their own strange body…

"I really am sorry," Lily said, biting her lip and looking down into her lap.

"It's not so bad," Pikachu repeated, "I still have thunder and speed, I'm still here in this human skin… That's more than enough I think. And humans, like I said, really aren't so bad."

This time he looked straight at her as he said it, as if human here was really standing in place for Lily herself, that Lily was not so bad and so it was perfectly fine that he was taller and hairless and so very different from what he'd been only a few hours before.

Content in a way that Wizard Lenin, in all the years she'd known him, never had and never would be.

And nothing, not even a dramatic entrance from Team Rocket, could take that thought from her.

(Although, Pikachu did add as they headed out the door and into the sunset after Team Rocket had blasted off again as they so loved to put it, "You know, there's a plus I hadn't thought of, with my new face they probably won't even think to kidnap me for their nefarious schemes… I never realized it, but you know, nothing bad ever seems to happen to humans. I think I could get used to this.")

* * *

 **Author's Note: Prompted by AlleyKat2014 who asked for a fic where Lily turns Pikachu and Clefairy into people for realz and everyone gets to deal with the fallout. Although Brock's fallout was rather short lived as the man proves that he still has game even when it comes to oblivious alien cultist women in people suits. As was Ash's, for that matter, as his ego shattering on the floor with his loss had him turning to his newly human pal Pikachu for help. They're so resilient.**

 **Thanks for reading, reviews are much appreciated.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon or Harry Potter**


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